Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Join the Low-Iron Revolution! 

Hey you! Yeah, you at the computer, with your ultra-hardened blood vessels! Did you know thanks to excess iron in your diet, you'll have a heart attack practically before you're born? Scientific data backs me up!

We have low-carb diets to thank for this. Dr. Atkins changed the world (allegedly) by challenging well-established scientific data with little more than a hypothesis, creating an easy solution to people who want to be skinny without exercising or building any muscle mass. Limit your daily carbohydrate intake to 100 grams less than the daily recommendation, and you'll lose massive amounts of weight. Eureka! Try to ignore the light-headedness and loss of motor skills that go with ketosis, because dammit, you're healthy! As we all know, skinny = healthy. Now Atkins is a rich mofo...or he would be, had he not died of a heart attack.

So maybe our problem in this country isn't specifically obesity, but heart disease. And I just found out something recently: Excess iron in your diet can impede the release of nitric oxide by the endothelium in your blood vessels, making them harden. This condition in the arteries is known as astherosclerosis, and is a known cause of heart attacks. Maybe the problem for the good doctor wasn't his carbohydrate intake, but his iron. Welcome to the Skid Diet.

In my upcoming book, Skid For Life, I'll write at length about how the National Academy of Sciences has recommended 10 mg of daily iron for adult males and 15 mg daily for adult females. And I'll write that I think you only need 3 mg daily if you're a male, and 8 mg daily if you're a female. Ignore the anemia, the gastrointestinal problems, and that weird curling in your fingernails, because you'll be in absolutely no danger of a heart attack. And as we all know, not having heart attacks = healthy.

I'm telling you, low-iron diets are the New Way (that has to be capitalized, because it's Strongly Emphasized). And it'll make my ass rich, too. So start spreading the word. Start leaving notes in public restrooms: "Skid is writing a book that will change the world, http://murkydepth.blogspot.com". Come on, help a brother out.

And think of how "hip" it will become eventually. Subway will offer Skid Friendly salads. Light beer makers will all be at each others throats in their ads about whose beer has the lowest iron content.

All light beers are low in iron. Choose on taste. Bud Light.™

So don't get left behind. Join the Low-Iron Revolution. Or at least pretend to.

And while you're pretending to, leave your comments via the number to the left of my name at the bottom of this entry. That's right, starting here you can comment on my blog entries. Not my previous ones, just this one and all future ones. Rawk on.

Feel free to leave a comment. You don't have to have a blogger account, but I recommend you sign up to blogger so you'll have a visible name instead of "Anonymous".
You rock. Seriously. I found you through a friend. She sent me a link to your post about Munchies. (known in these parts as crack-in-a-bag)

I am SO glad you have enabled comments!! Just thought I would say hello.


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