Skid's Note: In order to revive Murky Depth and keep it going, I'm adding to my old format of "Gripe Article," "What Might Pass For Humor Article," and "Pugnacious Kerfuffle." I've decided to include an exciting serial (to be updated periodically, in between articles of the aforementioned variety). This series will follow the action-packed, occasionally incomprehensible adventures of....well, you'll see. Enjoy. Or not.
The Beginning
"Hey Steve. STEVE! Wake yo' ass up!"
Stephen rolled over and yawned, checking his bedside clock. 6:30 AM.
"Don't make me put a boot in yo' ass! Get out here!"
Stephen got out of bed, careful not to wake Tabitha. He walked to the bedroom window, stretching and belching softly as he looked from his bedroom window. It was a nearly cloudless morning, and windy. The air from the Gulf carried only the slightest chill. Near the spiderweb gate was parked a pearl lavender 1972 Cadillac El Dorado, complete with a white carriage top. Stephen could see a shaggy grey mass sticking out of the driver's window.
"Oh shit," Stephen hissed as he fumbled with his clothes and made for the door, closing it quietly behind him.
Stephen stepped from the front door of his home and made his way towards the car. The engine was purring softly, and he could hear the faint sound of B.B. King's "Rock Me Baby" playing over the stereo. Don was in the front seat, glaring at him with a gigantic, half-burned cigar between his teeth. He just glared silently until Stephen got the gate opened and approached the vehicle.
"The fuck are you doing here?" Stephen asked, still slightly groggy.
"The fuck is you doin' here, Steve?" King replied, removing the cigar from his teeth on the word here. "I thought yo' ass lived in Maine."
"In the summer, yeah. It's December, Don."
Don was inconsolable. "Do you know, I had to drive my ass all the way from Vegas to Maine, only come to find out, yo' ass wasn't there? You in motherfuckin' Sarasota motherfuckin' Florida."
Stephen nodded, humoring him. "Yeah, sorry to hear that. I'm sure you're heartbroken."
"I am!" Don said, reinserting the cigar. "SCEPTER wants us to meet them at the D.C. headquarters."
"What's it about?"
"We'll get a full brief at the HQ. I'll tell you what I know about it after we pick up our third man."
Stephen pointed at the car's radio. "So I take it B.B. is joining us again?"
"Hell no," Don muttered. "My brotha's diabetes is all actin' up on him."
Stephen raised his eyebrows. "Rodney?"
"Man, shit no!" Don snapped, sending spittle flying on shit. "That nigga ain't worth shit 'cept gettin' his ass kicked."
"So I guess that just leaves Carol, then," Stephen shrugged.
Don turned his head, and a toothy grin crept across his face. He shook his head no.
"Billie Jean?"
Don held his grin. Removing the cigar again and leaning in close, he replied quietly: "Larry."
Stephen recoiled slightly. "Larry? What the fuck is he good for?"
"Motherfucka please," Don scoffed. "His ass is precog, and telenakimetic!"
Stephen rolled his eyes. It took practice to learn Don's language.
"Okay then," Stephen started, then noticed no one else was in the car. "Um...where is he?"
"L.A." Don said casually.
"Los Angeles? But you were in Vegas."
Don turned to Stephen, face blank. "So?"
Stephen closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "So why didn't you just pick him up first, then come by and get me? Now you have to drive all the way to California to pick him up, then all the way back to Washington to SCEPTER's headquarters."
"The fuck I am! I already drove to Maine lookin' for yo' ass!" Don raged. "All them cracker asses with their lobsters and scrimps and shit. Freakin' my ass out. And I'm tired, too!"
"Okay, fine. Move over and I'll drive us," Stephen replied soothingly as he opened the driver's door. Don reluctantly moved across the mink upholstered seat to let him in. Stephen put the Caddy in gear and glanced one more time at his house. He sighed.
"I was going to do some writing today, too."
"What?" Don asked as he stubbed out his cigar in the car's already full ashtray.
"Nothing," Stephen said as he accelerated slowly, pointing the car west. "Nothing at all."
Monday, December 10, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
Imus Be Dreaming
I had nearly given up on updating this blog a while back, but now there's something in the news I feel I must comment on...and in the process am rediscovering how good it feels to vent here. I guess that means Murky Depth lives. Huzzah.
On April 4th, famed radio personality Don Imus made the following controversial comment in regards to the (mostly black) Rutgers Womens' Basketball team:
"Them's some nappy-headed hoes."
The comment immediately drew fire from a handful of self-righteous, moral crusaders, (led by bad-hair extraordinaire Al Sharpton) who apparently want to make it their business if Imus is a racist or a sexist. They immediately sought to censor him in every way possible, from demanding an apology from him (which he made the mistake of doing, only adding publicity to an already volatile story) and demanding that CBS fire him from his radio show, which he has run for 30 years. On April 12, CBS did just that.
"I think we've got to really used this to really stop this across the board," Al Sharpton said in response to Imus' being fired. I think this quote perfectly illustrates Sharpton's state of mind. Seriously, if you can figure out what the hell he was trying to say, leave a comment below. I'd love to hear some possible translations.
Having never listened to Imus and not agreeing with his comments about the Rutgers' team, I still can't help but hang my head at the thought of another victory for censorship. I find this case remarkably similar to two other cases of the past few years:
Bill Maher: In 2002, the host the popular ABC (Comedy Central prior to that) TV talk show Politically Incorrect, Bill Maher was debating with a conservative guest on whether or not members of Al Quaeda should be considered cowards, considering they actually willingly die for their cause. Maher made the following argument:
"We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly."
There was immediate public outcry over Maher's alleged "Anti-American" statement, including demands that he apologize and that he be fired. Although Maher never apologized for making the statement, per se, he did apologize for any misunderstanding on the part of the viewers, claiming that he was accusing politicians and generals of cowardice, not actually the soldiers. Nevertheless, ABC allowed the contract on Politically Incorrect to run out the next year without a renewal. However, Maher did not disappear: He went on to develop Real Time With Bill Maher, a similarly themed but far less restrained show on HBO. Maher is also still a popular stand-up comedian and a (very) frequent guest on CNN's ever-popular Larry King Live.
The Dixie Chicks. This Dallas-based female pop/country act made headlines in early 2003 when, during a concert in London, lead singer Natalie Maines made the following intro to the song "Travelin' Soldier":
"Just so you know, we’re on the good side with y’all. We do not want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas."
Once again, there was immediate public outcry. How dare these women have the nerve to criticize our President, in front of a foreign audience no less? This will obviously "embolden" the enemy. Because you just know there's some Middle Eastern man in a cave somewhere, wiping away a tear of joy when he learns of the fact that the Dixie Chicks are on the side of Allah. He would spring forth with newfound resolve, grab his Kalishnikov, and head straight out to meet with his co-conspirators, all of whom will begin furthering their plot to poison the water supply in San Francisco.
Although radio stations all over the country began holding public demonstrations destroying the Chick's CDs and merchandise and making it clear that they would never again play their music, Maines finally caved and offered a weak apology for "disrespecting" the asshole she criticized in the first place. However, she was also adamant that she still meant it.
After disappearing for a couple of years, The Dixie Chicks released an album in 2006 entitled Taking the Long Way, with a single called "Not Ready to Make Nice." The song was a rather blatant shot back at the bands critics, and despite minimal radio airplay was apparently powerful enough to attract much media attention to the band's new album: The album went gold within one week, and as of 2007 the Chicks had earned multiple Grammys: Best Album, Best Record (apparently those are two separate awards), and Best Song (for "Not Ready to Make Nice"). After their Grammy win, the Chicks' album hit #8 on the Billboard 200 and their single hit #4 on the Pop 100.
Maines even retracted her early apology, saying "I apologized for disrespecting the office of the President, but I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel he is owed any respect whatsoever."
So, back to Don Imus. Imus, like Maher and the Chicks, made a controversial comment. Some might argue that the analogy between them is hard to follow, since his comments are harder to defend, but to that I reply: Harder to defend for whom? Certainly racists and sexists would have no problem defending it....or anyone who seeks to protect free speech.
I say: Let Imus have his show. I don't give a damn if he's a racist, sexist, homosexual, zoophile, Nazi, Satanist, or Green Party candidate. The guy can say whatever he wants, and those that don't like him don't have to listen. How about we all stop pretending we can eliminate bigotry in the world, finally accept that it's human nature, and rather than try to censor it, we do more to be aware of it?
On April 4th, famed radio personality Don Imus made the following controversial comment in regards to the (mostly black) Rutgers Womens' Basketball team:
"Them's some nappy-headed hoes."
The comment immediately drew fire from a handful of self-righteous, moral crusaders, (led by bad-hair extraordinaire Al Sharpton) who apparently want to make it their business if Imus is a racist or a sexist. They immediately sought to censor him in every way possible, from demanding an apology from him (which he made the mistake of doing, only adding publicity to an already volatile story) and demanding that CBS fire him from his radio show, which he has run for 30 years. On April 12, CBS did just that.
"I think we've got to really used this to really stop this across the board," Al Sharpton said in response to Imus' being fired. I think this quote perfectly illustrates Sharpton's state of mind. Seriously, if you can figure out what the hell he was trying to say, leave a comment below. I'd love to hear some possible translations.
Having never listened to Imus and not agreeing with his comments about the Rutgers' team, I still can't help but hang my head at the thought of another victory for censorship. I find this case remarkably similar to two other cases of the past few years:
Bill Maher: In 2002, the host the popular ABC (Comedy Central prior to that) TV talk show Politically Incorrect, Bill Maher was debating with a conservative guest on whether or not members of Al Quaeda should be considered cowards, considering they actually willingly die for their cause. Maher made the following argument:
"We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly."
There was immediate public outcry over Maher's alleged "Anti-American" statement, including demands that he apologize and that he be fired. Although Maher never apologized for making the statement, per se, he did apologize for any misunderstanding on the part of the viewers, claiming that he was accusing politicians and generals of cowardice, not actually the soldiers. Nevertheless, ABC allowed the contract on Politically Incorrect to run out the next year without a renewal. However, Maher did not disappear: He went on to develop Real Time With Bill Maher, a similarly themed but far less restrained show on HBO. Maher is also still a popular stand-up comedian and a (very) frequent guest on CNN's ever-popular Larry King Live.
The Dixie Chicks. This Dallas-based female pop/country act made headlines in early 2003 when, during a concert in London, lead singer Natalie Maines made the following intro to the song "Travelin' Soldier":
"Just so you know, we’re on the good side with y’all. We do not want this war, this violence, and we’re ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas."
Once again, there was immediate public outcry. How dare these women have the nerve to criticize our President, in front of a foreign audience no less? This will obviously "embolden" the enemy. Because you just know there's some Middle Eastern man in a cave somewhere, wiping away a tear of joy when he learns of the fact that the Dixie Chicks are on the side of Allah. He would spring forth with newfound resolve, grab his Kalishnikov, and head straight out to meet with his co-conspirators, all of whom will begin furthering their plot to poison the water supply in San Francisco.
Although radio stations all over the country began holding public demonstrations destroying the Chick's CDs and merchandise and making it clear that they would never again play their music, Maines finally caved and offered a weak apology for "disrespecting" the asshole she criticized in the first place. However, she was also adamant that she still meant it.
After disappearing for a couple of years, The Dixie Chicks released an album in 2006 entitled Taking the Long Way, with a single called "Not Ready to Make Nice." The song was a rather blatant shot back at the bands critics, and despite minimal radio airplay was apparently powerful enough to attract much media attention to the band's new album: The album went gold within one week, and as of 2007 the Chicks had earned multiple Grammys: Best Album, Best Record (apparently those are two separate awards), and Best Song (for "Not Ready to Make Nice"). After their Grammy win, the Chicks' album hit #8 on the Billboard 200 and their single hit #4 on the Pop 100.
Maines even retracted her early apology, saying "I apologized for disrespecting the office of the President, but I don't feel that way anymore. I don't feel he is owed any respect whatsoever."
So, back to Don Imus. Imus, like Maher and the Chicks, made a controversial comment. Some might argue that the analogy between them is hard to follow, since his comments are harder to defend, but to that I reply: Harder to defend for whom? Certainly racists and sexists would have no problem defending it....or anyone who seeks to protect free speech.
I say: Let Imus have his show. I don't give a damn if he's a racist, sexist, homosexual, zoophile, Nazi, Satanist, or Green Party candidate. The guy can say whatever he wants, and those that don't like him don't have to listen. How about we all stop pretending we can eliminate bigotry in the world, finally accept that it's human nature, and rather than try to censor it, we do more to be aware of it?
You can't spell Optimus Prime without IMUS.
Besides, if there is one thing that he can learn from the cases of Bill Maher and the Dixie Chicks, it's that trying to censor controversial comments only increases attention to those who made them. I suspect that something similar will probably happen to Don Imus. He'll get another deal somewhere along the line, and probably maintain legions of fans (hell, probably gain some) for facing such hard-nosed adversity from the likes of Al Sharpton and his tens of followers (no, that's not a typo).
See you net-jackers next time, when I find something else to bitch about or chew over. Greasy-headed cracker, over and out.
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