Saturday, April 10, 2004

"Words" I'm Getting Sick Of 

Have you ever seen a misused or misspelled or perhaps nonexistent word that just made your blood boil? I see it all the time. Sometimes people just say (or worse still, write) things that make me say "How stupid are you?". I realize my grammar and spelling aren't perfect, but I don't think my mistakes are anywhere near as annoying as these. If they are, kindly send an e-mail to the address on the left to set me straight. Depending on your tone, I might kindly thank you or I might kindly tell you to go to hell. Now, Here's a list of the most annoying words I see and hear:

Cum: Let's start off with a dirty one. Or not really, since "cum" isn't a dirty word. It's actually the Latin word for "with". That's all. It has no other meaning. However, it's frequently used to describe orgasm, the term being short for "come to orgasm". It therefore should be (and in fact, is) spelled "come". You have never cum in your life, because it makes absolutely no sense. The previous sentence doesn't even make sense. Still with me? Good. For some reason, the word "come" has also become a noun, meaning semen. This too, is often spelled "cum" by ignorant people. "Come" as a noun is pretty dumb in the first place, but if you're going to use it, as least spell it right.

Prolly: What the hell is this? You see this everywhere on the internet, often in forums or chatrooms, used by people who are two lazy to type the "bab" in "probably" so just slap an extra "l" in there instead. Does anyone actually say this in person? If anyone said to me "I could prolly eat a Cessna light aircraft", I'd kick him in the nuts. Twice. Once for saying a stupid fucking nonexistent word, and twice for being a glutton. The word is PROBABLY. Is it really that hard to spell?

Couple: Before any of you retards e-mail me saying, "But wait a minute Skid, 'couple' is a word!", allow me to explain myself. It's not that anything is actually wrong with the word "couple", it's that every time you see it it's being used by some degenerate who doesn't know that you're supposed to put "of" after it. Imagine this, you sitting there reading a book when you see the sentence: "He stood quietly for a couple minutes". OF! A COUPLE *OF* MINUTES! *OF*! ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT? For this reason, I'm sick of the word altogether. Sort of like...

Unique: How many times have you heard something described as "very unique", "quite unique", "somewhat unique", or "more unique"? Quite a bit, right? You probably don't even think about it. But it's a classic example of bad English: The definition of "unique" is "Being the only one of its kind". That's right, one of a kind. One thing cannot be more unique than another thing. It's either unique or it isn't. Stop using "unique" when you mean "unusual". They aren't the same thing.

Proverbial: Here's one that pisses me off because it's so pointless. The word "proverbial" means "of or relating to a proverb". However, this has become a word that is carelessly thrown around to make the speaker or writer sound more intelligent than he or she really is. "Shoot the proverbial shit", "cute as a proverbial button", and "the proverbial turd in the punch bowl" are all incorrect, because none of those are proverbs or have anything to do with proverbs. The first and last are simple metaphors, the second is just a simile. "The proverbial stitch in time" would be correct, since "A stitch in time saves nine" is a proverb.

Momentarily: This is the last one I'll cover for right now. Momentarily means "for a moment". Not "in a moment". If you mean "in a moment", say "in a moment". Alternatively, you could say "presently", which means "at once", if it's going to be a very short moment. "I'll be with you momentarily" means that you'll only be with someone for a moment, then leave. Nothing more.

There you have it. If you find yourself using these terms, please stop. Children might be listening. Please think of the children. Or that crazy guy named Skid who will track you down and pull your liver out through your belly button if you keep bothering him with your loose grasp of the English language.

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