Wednesday, June 09, 2004


Americans don't know jack about science. This is universally known. Like, you know, all over the universe. So despondent am I that the average citizen is ignorant of even the most basic science, I'm going to lecture you on science, because I am a Rennisa...Reson...Rennaisan...dammit, I'm one of those guys who does a lot of stuff. We'll start with Physics 101.

Centrifugal force isn't a force, it's the impression of force created by intertia and tangency. So you take the variable "X", and that's really a letter that fits in between "W" and "Y", and you take the variable "Y", and that's a very good question, because I don't know. But someone does. Therefore, one could postulate that 52 factorial equals a deck of ordinary household playing cards, face up, pick a card. Any card. Is this your card? No? Well I'm new at this trick. What's more: Factors of prime numbers are astronomical, because they have lots of numbers in them, and are therefore clearly a budget. Thus, centrifugal force doesn't exist. Unless you bend time and space.

Bending time and space IS theoretically possible...or if you have a wormhole, keep one end on Earth, and send the other one on a 100 year space flight, when it returns, you'll be able to send stuff back through time from the travelled end to the stationary one. However, bending time and space cannot be possible because the technology isn't there yet. And our atmosphere doesn't have fuel-injection. Therefore, the variable "X" is a train leaving Denver at 9:55 am going 5 mph, and the variable "Y" is a train leaving Denver 9 hours later going 18 times the speed of light. The major question: Which one will reach San Francisco first, and which one will Clint Eastwood board? This proves that wormholes can only collapse when their is no worm in them to give them their shape. So take the worm out and stomp really hard. Use a spade if necessary. Plant seeds and cover. Rinse and repeat. No purchase necessary, unless you are very young and have had a lobotomy. Pets and children welcome. Thusly I pontificate.

There...wasn't that nice? Don't you feel more smarty than you used to? Now go out and cause world peace.


Murky Depth put the lead back into paint chips!

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